You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
