Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
