I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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