How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
