so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
