dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
