It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
