I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
