That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
