We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i will never coherently bang her
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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