i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
