how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
