im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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