I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
