I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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