it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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