So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
