so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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