cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
