I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
