I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
