She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
