Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
