I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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