shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
