I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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