so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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