Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
