Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
