this beer tastes like vomit already
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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