She's JV to your varsity
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
