Having a random hookup so left but love u
if i can run in heels then i can drive
my phone needs a breathalizer
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
