i would punch a child for taco bell
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I need to stop coming to work sober
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
