I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
