please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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