My cat gives me a boner
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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