There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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