I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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