i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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