Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
