In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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