It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
