I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
