No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize