Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
