i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
