There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
