How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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