I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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