there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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